ConfuseUs Says
Friday, July 15, 2005 at 12:44AM “I believe in love, coz its all we got, love knows no boundaries, costs nothing to touch, I believe, I believe in love” --- Elton John.
I guess since the day the first musical note escaped a man’s lips, songwriters have poured out their hearts writing about love; its hopes, its power, its joy, its betrayals, its agony, its heartbreak (I use the word heart but it’s truly the brain that knows, loves and wants). No amount of singing about love will ever beat it to death coz everyone has so much love to give. Our ability to love probably makes us the most sentient species on earth. Our ability to love and understand others, and more so our ability to love and understand ourselves. Understanding others may seem a daunting task, but understanding your own love for others is a far more intricate attempt. Surviving in this huge ocean of different kinds of love, loving a partner stands/floats unique. Why? Almost every other relationship in life we are born into. We don’t choose our parents, we don’t choose our children. Love is there. However, we don’t just love our parents because we are born to them, but becoz of the love they shower on us and show us, coz nothing, nothing invites love like being loved by someone. But falling in love with someone is different. All the love we have to give is flooded upon this one person our heart sets itself upon. This power of choice makes this love the most tangible, the most intangible, the most painful, the most confusing, and the most fun.
I don’t know if love is our
capability or was it defined by the elders to make sure the species
survives the test of time by enforcing the institution of marriage
whose survival recently seems to be highly challenged! But it sure does
feel real! Given the pressure these days to find a mate, do people rush
into being with someone they wouldn’t be with given exposure to someone
more to their liking/"loving"?
"She says she is in love with him, cant find a better man, cant find a better man! " ---Eddie Vader (Pearl Jam)
When you fall for someone and sit around telling your closest friend how much you are in "love", and want that person to be with you, that is probably an intense liking merged with the whim of having her and having someone. Spending time together, loving each other is what gives rise to love (rather cyclic). What determines the success of this choice is; was the whim of having her far more than the whim of having someone. However,love seems to be powerful enough to accomoadate the whim of just having someone enough to let loving lead to love which justifies arranged marriages leading to as strong bonds as love marriages if not stronger.
But I believe the fact remains that the person you love is in your head (lets call her SHIVANGI) not just in front of you. Through culture, tastes, feelings, etc all of us have some idea of who we wanna love. People we meet, people we know, people we love, people we loved mould this notion in our head of our lover. When we meet someone whom we choose either by heart or arrangement or a combination of the two (lets call her Shivani), Shivani replaces/becomes SHIVANGI. The beautiful relation that follows involves love, caring at every level, sharing of every possession (thought and things), but always includes an attempt, a desire to mould this person into the lover in our head coz that is who we love. As Shivani shapes into SHIVANGI, she also changes the lover in our head ( who SHIVANGI is) , and that’s when the two people we love come close to blending into one. Along the way, disappointment stems from Shivani’s failure to match SHIVANGI, my heart breaks when Shivani doesn’t do something that SHIVANGI would do for me, and when Shivani does something that SHIVANGI would never do to me! This beautiful struggle though bumpy does not come close to the pain of a breakup. When Shivani leaves me, I have the pain of dealing with Shivani not being there, but I feel like SHIVANGI is gone too and that I can never love again coz the person in my head is gone. When thinking about the lost love, I think about Shivani a lot, but I think about SHIVANGI even more coz I was and will always be in love with her, I only remember how close to SHIVANGI Shivani was and hate the fact that she is gone, while when she was around I hated the fact that she wasn’t more like SHIVANGI. The pain is less if Shivani was very different from SHIVANGI, but if Shivani was a shadow of SHIVANGI the pain is unbearable. Yes, we miss the person we lose, but even more the idea of the person we lose. But in case we can never get Shivani back, there is hope coz SHIVANGI never dies, she always lives in my head and one day someone walks into our life and makes SHIVANGI flood my body and mind again and the journey continues. While pondering and confusing myself what confuses me more is that if Shivani never left me, but I met someone who is closer to SHIVANGI than Shivani is. What do I do? Should I love SHIVANGI or Shivani? Am in love with SHIVANGI or Shivani? I wish I knew, I wish I knew, but I’m glad I love, coz
Without love, I Wouldn’t believe, I wouldn’t believe in you, and I couldn’t believe in me, without love, love, love …. I believe in love ---Elton John.
PS. Shivani is a figment of my imagination
Shivangi is also a figment of my imagination but I love her
NeurONSENSE!
Reader Comments (4)
I am both thrilled that you liked the article and very impressed that you understood it perfectly since most people I got feedback from dint get it. Normally I do write a bunch of stuff that is just a brainfart but this wasnt and I kinda felt that noone would get it but you did .. so thats awesome. Maybe I shud give harry potter a shot !
Bandy
;))