Sucky, Sucky, Five Dollars!
Friday, June 17, 2005 at 12:04AM “Yes, I’ll take it,” I blurted out as I concluded my extreme negotiations with my travel agent.
Summer, 2001, I had just acquired two tickets to visit India from
Alabama. One for me, the other for the biggest luggage I have ever
carried on a flight, my cousin, Nintendo. The tickets to see my parents
and friends back home cost us $850 each. What a buy! Well, I can’t
leave out the fact that the route was Birmingham-Atlanta-Los
Angeles-Tokyo-Bangkok-Kolkata, Bangkok-Kolkata being on Air India. It
didn’t matter, I was 20 and I was going home, nothing could touch me.
The majority of the flight was smooth as ever, fights for window seats,
Nendo, 13, tasting Vodka for the first time, changing planes, falling
asleep at airports, boarding the wrong plane, the usual. But then came
Bang-cock (This joke never gets old!)
“Jesus Christ, hell no!” I screamed out as I walked out of the airport.
We had a 16 hour lay over in Bangkok, the shady sex capital of the
world. We were pre-booked into a Comfort Inn, and leaving Nendo outside
the Terminal to watch our luggage I had gone back to call the Comfort
Inn to send us a cab. The first thing I heard when I walked through the
automatic gates was Nendo chanting “Sucky, sucky, 5 dollars!” The first
thing I saw was two hookers with pouting lips circling him. That’s when
the Jesus Christ exclamation happened. And then one of the ladies says
“For the 5 dollar, we sucky sucky both of you.” I cant explain to you
how hard it was to pull a 13 year old away from the prospects of his
first sucky sucky, on one hand I kinda wanted him to have his fun, but
on the other I pictured my aunt chopping me into pieces for allowing
her angel the pleasures of fellacio!
“Give her money?” I asked given the receptionist’s statement.
We had squeezed into some variation of an auto rickshaw and made it to
the Comfort Inn. A suite, with loaded booze awaited us. Not having much
to do, Nendo went for late night swim, while I hit the gym. Later I
cooled off in the pool too. After this midnight workout we made our way
to the reception to get our room keys back. While handing me the keys
the receptionist smiles and says “ Do you want a pom-pom
for tonite?” I had no idea what she meant, I really wasn’t in the mood
for cheerleading! “What are pom-poms?” I asked her. “The pom-pom” she
continued, “She come to room, give you the massage, then you give it to
her!” This rather ambiguous statement prompted my verification of what
I was supposed to give this pom-pom. “No, no, not the money, you have
the nice body, u work out, she come and give you the massage and you
give it to
her, on the house!” Oh my Lord! We were in the land of sin. I don’t
know if I’d call it heaven or hell, but my cousin was jumping up and
down chanting “Take the pom-pom. Take the pom-pom!” Well, I didn’t take
it, I didn’t give her anything! The next day sulky face (Nendo musing
about how he almost saw a hooker in action) and I went to board our Air
India flight. The flight was 13 hours late, and our names weren’t on
the list. We had forgotten to reconfirm our confirmation for our
confirmed tickets?????
“Its all your fault, its your genes!” screamed my Mom at my Dad.
After intense flirting with air hostesses, sweet talk with Thai
managers I managed to secure us two seats on the flight which we
boarded with Indian smugglers begging us to take some of their stuff in
our bags. It was horrible. The air hostess (she doesn’t deserve to be
called that) looked like a fat ward matron, while the smugglers pulled
at her aanchal for more
whiskey. Off the plane, through customs, awaiting my parents, I needed
a smoke after 2 days of insane traveling. I pulled out a stick, lit up,
and in the cloud of the first puff I saw my Mom walk towards me, her
face full of shock as she turned to my dad and rebuked him for being an
ex-smoker and passing on the smoking genes to me. Yup, this was the
first time she found out that I smoke! There were lectures, but the fun
of being home and the royal treatment commenced.
But nothing, nothing
erases the horrendous trip. It can be well summed up by a Chinese woman
( pronounces "R" for "L" ) wishing you while you board the flight,
"Sir, have a nice Fright!"
aanchal: The hanging part of
the sari behind a woman's back, sometimes accidently falls forward in
hindi movies when the hero stares too much.
"Have a nice fright" -- copyright Beer n Lost in translation!
Reader Comments (4)
b) as a concerned friend of a friend, don't give anything to anyone in bang-cock, coz you'll get some disease and/or appendages might fall off
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:))