When Nature "Calls"
Sunday, June 5, 2005 at 05:01PM Darwin Darwin! Beware! The Evolution process is either breaking down or a new species is on the verge of attempted existence. I know becoz I am the chosen one. I have become too hot for my own comfort. Nature can’t keep her hands off me.
To make things more lucid, I will translate. I am being molested by trees! Yes, those things with branches and leaves, not as docile as u think. They have spotted me and are trying to impregnate me against my will. It all started 3 weeks ago. Came Spring (Nature coming in to heat i.e. nature’s horniest moment) she spotted me and decided I should have her baby. This is where the evolution theory is collapsing. Me, the male, is being stalked by nature (trees), the female, and she is the one letting out her minions of reproduction, pollen, and that too lots of it, to overwhelm me by her lust. This deluge of pollen, much like sperm is unleashed upon the world. And some of these motivated swimmers make it to the desired target, me the egg, via my nasal orifice!
I do wonder why does this pollen thingie, meant to reach other trees/seeds or whatever, regard me as a prospective mating target? I have reached the answer; 1: coz I am just too hot, 2: Trees want to start this new species with humans, botanica sapien mobilus. This is their attempt to save themselves from breaches in the ozone layer, and from being chopped down coz you can’t really take down a tree that runs away or puts up a fight! Mmm makes sense!
In the midst of this molestation I show several signs of clinical torment. I sneeze profusely, incessantly, sometimes it hurts, though it feels great when I let it out. And the sound I produce is similar to “aaaoonchchchooooo, aaaooooonchchoooo”, which in gujrati means: I am cuming, I am cuming! So this sneezing event seems to be analogous to the pleasure and pain associated with intercourse, and the translation of the sounds I make justify that nature is good, real good at what she does! A second sign is intense fatigue, well, I guess you do feel tired when you get banged all day, and last but not the least, my eyes itch and water, this is probably my way of showing that I feel used by nature as she bangs away at me without any consideration of whether I am in the mood or not!
But here comes the saddest part, I was ready to put up with all this, even though there are so many trees involved in this gang bang, coz at least she chose me. But recently it has been brought to my attention that I am not the only one!!! She is has been with another, and another, even my own roommate! The bloody slut is molesting half of America. Damn, she gets around! Well, since I don’t really have a choice in the whole matter, I must use protection, I need to go on the pill. My doctor has said that the pill Zyrtec will help me out, and Flonase a nasal spray (analogous to KY jelly) will help ease the pain of the bitch’s attacks on me.
To help myself and other victims of this predatress, I am starting a support group called the Garden of Pollegamy. Feel free to share your experiences on this forum. We shall not go down without a fight! Well, we won’t go down period. She doesn’t deserve the pleasure ;). Be safe and use protection. No means no! And if she comes for you, remember Tom Hank’s movie and scream to yourself, “Run, from the Forrest, Run!”
Just a thought: If date palms let out pollen and I was the victim it would give new meaning to the phrase date rape!
NeurONSENSE!
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