His Mother's Days
Tuesday, May 10, 2005 at 01:22PM Mothers's Day, Sunday, 2005, called up home at 11:00 at night to say hi
to my mom (miku) and ask her if the flowers I sent her were the bestest
gift ever or not? My dad (dada) picked up the phone. A born
surgeon whose hand never shakes, a confident voice that never
fluctuates, today, had his voice quivering and I could hear the
phone ( a rather ancient chordless) trembling in his hands.
Chills shot down my back, as he said its Mother's Day and his mother
(my grandmother) had just left forvever. "Dont feel sad!" he sad
as my head filled up with sadness, "Dont cry" he said, as my eyes
welled up . "She was a great mother, and she died and we cremated
her the same place where we cremated your grandfather, and set her
ashes afloat in the same river. Her last wish was to travel from
Calcutta to Jamshedpur, and die holding her only son's hand as she bid
her entire family and the world farewell. she got it.
Last year I hurt my left hip. Pained like crazy and I couldnt
walk. Dada told me that three months ago, thamma (grandmom in
bengali) started getting a lot of pain in her body. however, she
refused to take painkillers coz she was praying to god that he gives
her all my pain and every time it hurt she felt her prayers were
answered. ironically a week before leaving us she fell down, broke her
left hip, and passed away with insane amounts of pain in her left side.
Her last words being " Is he(me) alright?" and when dada answered
yes, she closed her eyes, called it a day, a month, a year, a lifetime!
more chills down spinal chord, goosebumps. Today, I have no pain
anywhere in my body, and my hip is like it used to be. I dont know what
to think! Thamma was the most spiritual lady I ever knew. her whole
life she just served people. Was one of the first lady doctors in
nepal, ( a gynochologist), and after retiring devoted her life to her
lord, took care of my grandfather who was paralyzed, and picked up
poor kids from the road to bring them home and feed them. just
some among the many things she did for others.
didnt know what to say to my dad, my mom was crying like crazy too
.. just heard what they had to say and put the phone down as they
asked me to pray for her soul. So, sat at my computer numb,
and started to write a mail to my dad
Dada,
I dont know what to say. I know that it was time for her to leave us,
and I know that it is great that she went without suffering. my eyes
were filled with tears when i was talking to you. I know that though u
are relieved that everything happened just the way she envisioned it ,
and she left without too much pain, u are deeply sad .... and thats the
way it should be coz when someone you love dies , you should feel sad
... happy that she is in a better place ... sad that you will never see
her again .. except maybe ur dreams ... the sweet thing is that our
brains are the cutest things in the world. When things are in motion u
remember both the hard times and the fun times , but when something
goes away only the good moments remain in ur heart ...
I know that thamma loved me like crazy. One becoz she loved me , two
coz she had insane amounts of love for you , and u had insane amounts
of love for me ...and she always treated me like the heir to a throne.
I remember once she told me that she wishes she could see the next heir
to our "kingdom" before she died so I should get married
soon. Me and my stupid jokes, I told her I could give her heirs without
getting married. My aunts (your sisses) screamed at me but thamma just
kept giggling and called me paaaji (wicked but cute in bengali, at least the way she meant it).
I could tell by the way she used to smile and kiss me for the few times
I have spent with her that she loved me like crazy... her house was
lucky for me and she left taking away all my pain, and having pain of
her own in the same side. Maybe coincidence or maybe the proof of the
faith of a lady as spiritual as possible, and heart full of love. She
was the one who got tumpa married off, rescued Runa pishi in her time
of need, kept iman n hambir happy given their probs at home, she served
everyone around her way past her prime .. or maybe her prime was her
entire life ... i loved her a lot ... among all my grand parents I was
closest to her .. I am glad I missed you guys a couple of sundays ago
and got to talk to her and for the first time in years she actually
heard everything i said ... and was very happy too ...
I am so happy that her voice was the first voice I heard on my birthday
too .. .I called her up first thing when I wok e up coz she is the most
spiritual person I know and i was in deep need of some sort of
spiritual touch in my life .... I will definitely pray for her, though
I've hardly ever prayed in my life. I hope god recognizes me hehe
though I am sure he will be honored to have her in heaven ......
I guess what I am trying to say is that I loved her, and I know
she was too strong, loving, and headstrong a person to just
vanish into thin air. She is hanging out with Dadu now, hopefully
not makin him tea (coz her tea sucks hehe) but her love will pour on us
every time it rains maybe .... I hope it rains right now! I need it to
rain .........
Love you
miss you
naby
Vulnerable
Reader Comments (1)
I never thought u cud ....U cud..write something like this...anyways u wrote this around 2 years back...ok...given..this is one of ur rare of the rarest moments...anyways...reading all...dunno how much of it is truth ...but ok..u r a gud writer..
PS..Im really enjoyn ur site..(know who am I?)