Kyon, Kab, Kaise Ho Gaya Hain Yeh Mujhe (KKKHGHYM)
Saturday, April 22, 2006 at 05:05PM Dear readers, I am not well! I have been tripped by an uncurable disease. My PCP has no idea how to cure me, and my condition gets more critical by the day. These are the disease symptoms: I am usually lazing on the couch … One of my roommates loiters by and pops a horrible, horrible hindi movie into the DVD player … I inadvertently watch along. Within the first 45 minutes I stand a chance of rescuing myself, the moment 45 minutes are up, however bad the movie, I cannot get up. I must know how everything turns out; hearing the story wont suffice, I can’t even watch it in fast forward mode, I must watch every minute (except the songs – don’t care). At this point my roommate who starts the movie has gotten up and gone about his life, I am left on the couch alone wallowing in my misery. My roommate Vishal has access to every hindi movie released since his uncle and aunt collect DVDs. Who watches them? Not Uncle, not auntie, not Vishal but Me, Me, Me!
A little background about me. My kind of movies are Memento, Adaptation, Usual Suspects you get the picture. I DON’T like hindi movies. I have probably enjoyed only a handful of movies including DDLJ, Dil Chahta hain, and Teen Deeware. That’s about it. So when I am left on the couch I invest 3 hours of my life watching something that makes my head hurt but I can’t stop.
The one that made me cry was Rudrakshas. Sunil Shetty and Sanjay Dutt were flying in the movie, fighting with swords, defying gravity. I hated it, but guess what? I watched every minute. In addition to the movies that are sci-fi but claimed to be normal life in hindi movies, is the advent of Indian Soft Porn. Hindi movies have advanced. The top actors are involved in rather passionate kissing scenes. No longer is the kiss hidden from the audience taking advantage of the heroine’s long hair masking their lips. However with this advancement, the lesser actors must participate in more provocative movies and scenes from the same.
Now the regular porn industry comprises several variations to cater to the wide receiver base:
Single X: Usually passionate love scenes, with some glimpses of breasts, usually very sexy
Double X: Usually have plots such as a man hiring a private investigator to spy on his wife, and the private investigator spies on her and ends up in bed with her, (real “private” investigator, I guess) and in the end the man is back with is wife and her affair has brought back the lost zeal in the love making. Very “happy ending” The audience is blessed with tons and tons of heated scenes and lots and lots of focus on very shapely breasts. Double the breasts, double the fun!
Triple X: Now triple X’s don’t really have a story. Clothes vanish before you can blink your eyes, and the rest is more like watching a lathe machine move back and forth. Sometimes there are tons of lathe machines. Once in a while when there is a plot it usually is a young girl interviewing for a secretary job, and proving that she can “do” the “job” well.
The new hindi movies are Single X’s (without the glimpses) in implementation and Triple X’s in spirit. The girls are bending over without reason, wearing skirts that are shorter than my boxers, the camera focuses harder on key areas than in 2Xs and very young girls are having lots and lots of sex with men of varying ages. I wonder what motivates these rather pretty women to jump on these roles.
Well the bottom line is that I am inextricably hooked to movies with horrible action scenes, horrible acting, and horrible exposure. The biggest science fiction movie was this movie called Tango Charlie! It was hardly as irritating as the others so why science fiction? What is a science fiction? A movie that contains feats that defy present day science. Well, it was a war movie, well made, but then the actor (Bobby Deol) came back from the war front for a day to meet his girlfriend (for one day I repeat), he din’t even touch her, instead he was writing in his journal! That my friends is science fiction! A man who hasn’t been with is woman in years, comes back for one day, and writes in his diary all day? If my girl were here you think I would be writing for you guys, hell no, hell no .. check my India post and see how the last 20 days are unreported ..... thats what Fact is like, Hindi movies: Fiction, fiction, fiction, I scream ………………………..
Even as I write this I am watching some movie where some actor is kissing a mannequin to make his to-be girl jealous. Somebody help me, Koi Hain? Koi hain?
Reader Comments (1)